Mother of Dutch woman, 28, who died by assisted suicide also lost her son to bone cancer- but insist
The mother of a woman who was euthanised at 28 has insisted she was ‘happy’ with her daughter’s decision to end her ‘terrible suffering’ with ME.
Leonie Hoeve, from the Netherlands, was by her daughter Lauren’s side last week when she died by assisted suicide in their family home.
The mother-of-two previously lost her son Pieter Jan to bone cancer and said that that it was ‘very sad and surreal’ to now face life without her daughter in an emotional blog post.
In 2019, Lauren was diagnosed with ME – also referred to as chronic fatigue syndrome – and left bed-bound. Her devastating diagnosis meant she had to give up running, climbing and her beloved dog.
Over the past four years, Lauren also began to experience post-exertional malaise (PEM), where she would struggle with extreme nausea, pain and fatigue – which she described as ‘absolute torture’ on X, formerly known as Twitter.
Pictured: Lauren on her way to watch a screening of Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour movie in the Netherlands last November with her mother
After years of delays caused by Covid, Lauren – who had built an online following by documenting her assisted suicide journey – peacefully passed away on 27 January, surrounded by parents Peter and Leonie and best friend Lau.
Last month, the mother – who was regularly pictured pushing Lauren around in a wheelchair on her Instagram – wrote about her complicated feelings towards losing her daughter on Lauren’s blog ‘Brain Fog’.
In the post, the mother-of-two said she had always had a ‘deep-seated fear’ of losing her children and that her heart ‘bleeds’ for them.
Leonie said that her daughter’s ME diagnosis was the ‘final straw for her’ – having already struggled with autism and ADHD.
The mother wrote: ‘It gives a powerless feeling. No one can do anything about it, this is beyond our control and I know it can happen to anyone. Lauren is completely unlucky with this package.’
Asking Lauren’s followers to be understanding of her decision, Leonie continued: ‘Please know that we have done everything realistically possible to find a way out.
‘She still wanted to get so much out of life, but she doesn’t want to live to be 30 years old like this, let alone 60 or 80 years old.
‘This suffering is terrible for her, and also for me as a mother to see it. I guide, support and do everything for her, with all my love, together with Peter.’
Lauren’s mother (pictured) wrote: ‘She wrote: ‘Please know that we have done everything realistically possible to find a way out. She still wanted to get so much out of life, but she doesn’t want to live to be 30 years old like this, let alone 60 or 80 years old.’
Lauren posted this photo of her enjoying New Years Eve in bed while her mother and loved ones sit beside her
Although Leonie said the process is ‘very difficult’, she said she is ‘happy’ and can understand why Lauren chose to go down this route – as ‘the alternative is not feasible at all’.
Describing how there will be a ‘big void’ in their lives, Leonie added: ‘The mourning has already started a long time ago, “living mourning” as they say. Every day I say goodbye to a part of my life with her, just as I felt with my son.’
She ended the post by saying: ‘The only thing I see as a bright spot is that I no longer have to fear losing my children. I know where they are.’
In an emotional post on Lauren’s blog over the weekend, her family wrote: ‘Lauren passed away peacefully at 1.55 pm in the presence of her parents Leonie and Peter and her best friend Lau.
‘We would like to thank you for your compassion and support.’
In November, Lauren’s friends and family took her to a special screen of Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour movie – and her mother was pictured lovingly holding her hand as they travelled to the cinema in an ambulance.
On her blog ‘Brain Fog’, Lauren explained how her GP told her he respected her wish to be euthanised but could not do it himself because of her psychological conditions.
Lauren Hoeve (pictured), from the Netherlands , was diagnosed with ME, which is also referred to as chronic fatigue syndrome, in 2019.
Lauren thanked her 7,800 X followers for the love they’d shown her and shared this ‘morbid’ meme
What is ME and why is it so misunderstood?
Also known as ME – or myalgic encephalomyelitis – CFS can affect anyone, but is most common in women in their mid 20s to mid 40s.
The most noticeable symptom is extreme tiredness, but others include problems sleeping, joint or muscle pain, headaches, flu-like symptoms, and a fast or irregular heartbeat.
Treatments include cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), specific exercises, or medication to target nausea, pain or issues with sleeping.
An estimated 250,000 people in the UK and one million people in the US live with the condition.
It affects their lives so severely they often spend their days in darkened rooms, unable even to watch TV or listen to music.
But despite the increasing evidence about the reality of ME, which affects 17million people across the world, it remains incurable, and many still think that sufferers are just lazy.
The cause of ME remains unknown but it has been suggested that infections such as glandular fever and pneumonia can trigger the condition.
Symptoms of ME include:
– feeling extremely tired all the time and struggling to go about everyday activities
– feeling tired after resting or sleeping
– problems with memory and concentration
– taking a long time to recover after physical activity
The ME Association, which was established in 1980, offers support to those struggling with the condition.
After this, Lauren was put on a waiting list for an appointment with an euthanasia specialist, which took longer than usual due to the pandemic.
In April 2023, she met with several doctors who concluded she was ‘mentally competent’ of making the decision to be euthanised.
Earlier this month, Lauren told her 7,800 X followers: ‘My last day will be on Saturday, January 27th. The euthanasia will happen between 1:30 and 2:30pm.’
She wrote on her blog: ‘I chose to make the date and time public because you have all been so excited for this moment with me. I know from experience how supportive it can be to know when it is happening, so that you can reflect on it for a moment or light a candle if you wish.’
On 27 January, Lauren – who passed away at home – signed off her X account by sharing a meme with her followers.
She wrote: ‘This will be my last tweet. Thanks for the love, everyone. I’m going to rest a bit more and be with my loved ones. Enjoy a last morbid meme from me.’
She then posted a meme featuring a toddler wearing a sunglasses and giving a thumbs up to the camera as a doctor smiles beside them, with the caption: ‘Me getting euthanized’.
Lauren’s post has been seen by more than 1.5m X users and struck a chord with followers.
One replied: ‘Thank you for sharing your journey to this farewell. And for you the beginning of peace that you long for.’
‘Have a beautiful last few hours,’ another added.
A third said: ‘I think of you and the people around you and wish you beautiful last moments.’
‘Have a few loving last hours,’ a fourth said. ‘Thank you again for everything you have done for our community.’
‘May you find your peace,’ a fifth wrote.
In April 2023, it was announced that parents in the Netherlands can euthanise their terminally ill children aged 12 and over under plans to widen the country’s existing end of life laws to cover terminally ill children aged one to twelve.
The Dutch Government announced plans to expand euthanasia regulations to include doctor-assisted death for terminally ill children between one and 12 years old.
The rules would apply to an estimated five to 10 children per year, who suffer unbearably from their disease, have no hope of improvement and for whom palliative care cannot bring relief, the government have said.
‘The end of life for this group is the only reasonable alternative to the child’s unbearable and hopeless suffering,’ the government said in a statement.
For confidential support, call the Samaritans on 116123 or visit a local Samaritans branch. See www.samaritans.org for details
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